Saturday, November 1, 2014

It's Not About the Money!

Nor the sofa, nor the teapot, it's not even about the house.  When an object becomes the focal point in
the fight to dissolve a marriage, it's time to dig a bit deeper. 

Disputes over the coffee table may be a distraction from the real issue at hand--one that stands in the way of personal closure.  Difficulty letting go manifests itself in many ways including an unnatural attachment to the ottoman.

It's simple and dismissive to say "it's only stuff."  At an estate sale today, a rather loud saleswoman emitted that same edict to a roomful of browsers.  I wanted to retort, "yes, but it's someone's life, also."  Uncharacteristically, I held my tongue.  

It IS your life as a couple, represented by choices mutually made in feathering the nest and during adventures when the family was in better order. 

Breaking the household apart, while breaking one's heart is devastating. 

Dig deep and with honesty.  If the desire is to make the new place more familiar, or there's a special attachment, then speak up.  If the true motive is to hurt the other side or thwart an enemy combatant, then let it go. 

Fresh beginnings need only seeds from the past.  The purchase price in dollars and emotions will be highly inflated otherwise. 

Maybe get something else in return for the concession.

I like to believe, upon exiting an estate sale that the item I've just purchased is part of a continuum from one life to another.   Someday the odds and ends my husband and I have culled during the years
will end up the same way.

And don't save it for the kids--they want to accumulate their own stuff!